When most people picture ADHD, they imagine the stereotypical child bouncing off the walls, blurting out answers, or running around the classroom. But for many women — and for so many of our neurodivergent kids — ADHD shows up in ways that are far quieter, more internal, and much easier to overlook.
As a late-diagnosed ADHD mom raising an autistic and ADHD son, and as someone who supports thousands of other neurodivergent families through my podcast and community, I’ve learned that the most important signs of ADHD are often the ones no one talks about.
Today, I want to share three ADHD signs that are commonly missed — especially in girls, women, and kids who don’t fit the “classic picture.” Understanding these signs is crucial, particularly regarding recognizing ADHD in girls and ADHD in girls, as many symptoms are often missed in girls with ADHD.
Let’s break those down — with real examples, real stories, and real clarity.
Furthermore, understanding ADHD in girls can help parents and educators identify the nuances that differentiate ADHD symptoms in girls from boys.
1. Hyperactivity Isn’t Always Physical: Sometimes It Lives in the Brain
Hyperactivity is one of the most misunderstood symptoms of ADHD. Most people think it means “energetic and loud.” But what about the people who feel like they have a mental motor that never stops?
That was me — and I didn’t recognise it for 33 years. From the outside, I looked calm, responsible, “together.” Inside, my brain was doing Olympic-level gymnastics from the moment I woke up until I collapsed at night.
What internal hyperactivity looks like:
- A racing mind you can’t switch off
- Constant planning, rethinking, analysing
- Jumping from idea to idea to idea
- Difficulty relaxing because your brain won’t “power down”
- Feeling like you’re mentally juggling 14 tabs at once
- Overthinking social interactions or conversations
- Excessive talking — not because you’re rude, but because your brain is sprinting
This is why so many girls and women slip through the cracks. They’re not “hyper” externally. They’re hyper internally — and no one sees it.
I always thought I was just “intense,” “busy,” or “bad at switching off.” I was praised for being organised, responsible, and productive — but no one knew the mental chaos underneath.
It wasn’t until after my son was diagnosed with ADHD and Autism that I finally began seeing the signs in myself. The constant internal noise. The struggle to relax. The never-ending thoughts. The emotional intensity that I thought was just my personality.
My diagnosis helped me understand that my racing brain wasn’t a flaw — it was ADHD.
Why parents miss it in kids
Internal hyperactivity in children often looks like:
- Daydreaming
- Constant talking
- Emotional intensity
- Difficulty winding down at bedtime
- Struggling to fall asleep because their brain is buzzing
- Always needing background noise or stimulation
Hyperactivity isn’t always loud. Sometimes it’s invisible — and that’s exactly why it gets missed.
2. Emotional Dysregulation: Big Feelings That Hit FAST and HARD
Recognizing ADHD in girls is essential for proper support and understanding. Early intervention can greatly benefit those experiencing ADHD in girls.
If I could wave a wand and instantly educate the world about one ADHD symptom, it would be this one.
People with ADHD — especially women and kids — often feel emotions faster, deeper, and more intensely than their neurotypical peers. And we don’t always have the brakes to slow them down.
What emotional dysregulation looks like:
Understanding ADHD in Girls
- Overwhelm from small things
- Quick frustration
- Crying easily
- Feeling deeply misunderstood
- Difficulty letting go of an argument or mistake
- Feeling shame or guilt more intensely
- RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria): intense reaction to rejection or criticism
Many parents assume emotional intensity means their child is “sensitive,” “dramatic,” or “strong-willed.” For women, it often gets placed under “hormones,” “anxiety,” or “moodiness.”
But emotional dysregulation is a core ADHD feature — not a character flaw.
When my son was young, his emotions were big — really big. I remember moments where something tiny would happen and his internal world felt like it had collapsed.
His frustration didn’t mean he was naughty. His meltdowns didn’t mean he was disrespectful. His big feelings didn’t mean he was “too much.”
They meant his brain was overwhelmed.
Once we understood the ADHD behind the emotion, everything changed. Instead of trying to “fix” his reactions, we began supporting his regulation — with sensory tools, downtime, predictability, visuals, and connection. The results were life-changing.
Why emotional dysregulation gets overlooked
Because it hides behind labels:
- “sensitive child”
- “moody teenager”
- “emotional mom”
- “overreacting”
- “strong personality”
- “dramatic”
But underneath those labels is a brain struggling to manage high-intensity emotional input.
For many late-diagnosed women, emotional dysregulation was the very thing that made adulthood harder — but was also the very thing professionals overlooked.
3. Executive Dysfunction: Not Laziness — A Neurological Block
If internal hyperactivity is the engine and emotional dysregulation is the storm, then executive dysfunction is the roadblock that makes everyday life feel harder than it “should” be.
Executive functioning is your brain’s management system. And when ADHD affects it, everything from brushing your teeth to paying a bill to replying to a message can feel overwhelming — even if you want to do it.
What executive dysfunction looks like:
- Struggling to start tasks
- Leaving laundry in the washer (and forgetting about it)
- Being chronically late
- Missing deadlines — even important ones
- Walking into a room and forgetting why
- Needing lists for the simplest tasks
- Feeling overwhelmed by anything with multiple steps
- Living in a “messy but meaningful” pile system
- Needing constant reminders
This isn’t laziness.
This isn’t poor discipline.
This isn’t a lack of care.
This is ADHD.
Case Study: A composite ND mom from my community
Let’s call her Sarah. Sarah loves her kids fiercely. She’s intelligent, organised in her mind, and full of ideas — but her day-to-day life felt like constant chaos. School forms went missing, laundry piled up, dinner planning exhausted her, and she always felt like she was “behind.”
She once said, “It’s like I have 50 browser tabs open, but none of them are loading.”
That is executive dysfunction. And it’s one of the biggest reasons moms miss their own ADHD — and their kids’ ADHD too.
Why executive dysfunction is misunderstood
Because people assume:
- “If you can plan a holiday, why can’t you do the dishes?”
- “If you can work hard at your job, why can’t you get out the door on time?”
- “If you care about your kids, why do you forget important dates?”
But ADHD brains don’t struggle with motivation.
They struggle with activation.
Executive dysfunction is the reason so many women reach adulthood believing they’re “messy,” “unreliable,” “inconsistent,” or “bad at life” — when in reality, they’re neurodivergent.
The Real Reason These 3 Signs Go Unnoticed
All three of these symptoms — internal hyperactivity, emotional dysregulation, and executive dysfunction — share one thing:
They are invisible.
They don’t fit the stereotype.
They don’t show up neatly in a classroom.
They don’t always get flagged by teachers or GPs.
They don’t always disrupt other people.
But they deeply affect us and our kids.
And because women and girls often mask, adapt, people-please, and work twice as hard just to appear “normal,” the signs stay hidden for years.
Your struggle wasn’t a flaw.
Your child’s behavior isn’t defiance.
Your emotional intensity isn’t “too much.”
Your brain isn’t broken.
You’re just wired differently — beautifully, uniquely, purposefully.
For Parents Reading This: You’re Not Alone
If reading this felt like looking in a mirror — either for yourself or for your child — please know this:
You’re not a bad parent. You’re not imagining things. You’re not failing.
You’re navigating ADHD in a world that still doesn’t fully understand it. And you’re doing it while carrying the weight of your own diagnosis (or the journey toward one), your child’s needs, and the daily pressures of life.
You’re doing better than you think. You are not alone in this journey!
It’s crucial for parents to recognize ADHD in girls to avoid misunderstandings about their behavior and emotional responses.
Want More Support on Your Neurodivergent Journey?
If this resonated, I’d love to support you further.
You can:
Listen to The Unfinished Idea Podcast — weekly episodes on navigating family life, ADHD, Autism, and the messy, beautiful reality of neurodivergent parenting.
Follow me on socials for daily support, stories, and tips for ND mamas raising ND kids. You don’t have to figure this out alone — we’re building this community together.
Understanding the signs of ADHD in girls can help reshape how we approach their education and emotional wellbeing.
