Surviving Meltdowns
Host of Neurodivergent Conversations Podcast and a neuro-affirming coach for mamas raising neurodivergent kids. I share honest, no-fluff support rooted in real life and community, because I’ve been the mama who felt like she was doing this alone.
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Parent Input statement
You know the moment.
They walk out of school, and you think, Okay, we survived today.
Then you get home and it’s like a switch flips.
Shoes thrown. Tears. Rage. Silence. Refusal. Meltdown. Shutdown. Or all of it in one evening.
If you’ve ever thought, Why can they hold it together for everyone else but fall apart with me?
This is for you.
Because what you’re seeing often isn’t “bad behaviour” or “attention-seeking”. It’s a nervous system crash.
Restraint collapse is when a child has been working incredibly hard to cope, mask, follow rules, manage sensory input, and meet expectations all day, then once they’re in their safe place (usually home), their ability to hold it together collapses.
It can look like:
And yes, it can absolutely happen right after school.
School is demand-heavy. Even a “good day” can be packed with:
Many neurodivergent kids mask or “keep it together” all day, then release everything when they reach safety at home.
So when your child collapses after school, it’s often not because they’re choosing chaos. It’s because they’ve run out of capacity.
One important reframe: after-school meltdowns are often described as a collapse from overwhelm, not “naughty” behaviour or boundary pushing.
All kids get tired after school. Restraint collapse tends to have a few tells:
If you’re seeing daily meltdowns where your child is pushed to the edge all day, that’s a signal something needs adjusting, not something you should just have to accept as “normal”.
What helps today: The “Landing Pad” routine (10 minutes, low demand)
This is the simplest support that helps many families: stop trying to fix the behaviour first. Support the body first.
Think: decompress before demands.
Try:
Avoid rapid-fire questions like: “How was school? What happened? Who did you play with?”
Even “nice” questions can feel like demands.
Hunger and thirst make regulation harder. Keep it boring and consistent:
Give their nervous system a way to come down:
Restraint collapse can come with sensory overload and physical fatigue, so this “offload” isn’t extra, it’s supportive.
Choice reduces demand pressure:
If you can, protect the hour after school. Lower the load:
This is not “letting them get away with it”. This is prevention.
When they’re in it, logic won’t land. Short, calm, repetitive helps.
Try:
If they’re shouting:
If they’re shutting down:
If home is where it explodes, school is where it’s being held in.
Things to look at:
A simple plan can help:
Capacity drops further when kids are:
That’s why restraint collapse can come in waves.
Please reach out for professional support if:
You deserve support too, not just strategies.
Before you walk in the door, try this in the car or hallway:
You’re setting your nervous system to lead, not just react.
If this is your everyday, you’re not failing
If your child melts down after school, it can actually mean they trust you enough to fall apart with you.
And I know that can feel like the least comforting compliment in the world when you’re exhausted.
So let me say the real thing:
You’re not doing it wrong. You’re seeing the cost of a day that asks too much of their nervous system.
Start with a landing pad. Lower the demand. Support the body first. Then build from there.
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